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Dearest creature in creation!

Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.

Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough --
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!

(Da kommt sogar das "Anhören"-Tool vom Google Translator ins Schwitzen. ;-) )

Wichtig!

Falls jemand Interesse hat oder jemanden kennt: Ein Kumpel von mir hat ein Ticket für den MotoGP 2022 am Sachsenring gekauft – natürlich ohne vorher darüber nachzudenken, dass am gleichen Tag eigentlich schon seine Hochzeit stattfindet.

Bei Interesse: Die Kirche ist in Aue und die Braut heißt Sandra…

Italien

During WWII three spies, one German, one Japanese, and one Italian are captured by the British. They drag the German off and torture him until he gives up his secrets, it takes three days. Next, they drag off the Japanese spy, and it takes them six days to get him to talk. Finally they take the Italian away. One week. Two weeks. Three weeks and they can't get him to talk! Finally they put him back with the other prisoners. Amazed, the German and Japanese spies ask how he could possibly stay silent so long! The Italian replies, "How could I talk with my hands tied behind my back?!"


Umfahren

Ich liebe das Wort "umfahren".

Ich meine, stellt euch folgenden Satz während einer Fahrstunde vor: "Bitte die Gruppe Fußgänger umfahren."

Mitleid-Crisis

Am Wochenende hatte ich einen Wagen mit Kartons über grobes Kopfsteinpflaster geschoben. Es passierte, was passieren musste: Ein Rad hat sich in einer Fuge festgesetzt, der Karton, an dem ich den Wagen geschoben hatte, ist weggerutscht und ich war quer über den Haufen gefallen und lag schließlich auf dem Rücken neben meinem Geraffel.

Eine Mittzwanzigerin sah mich ganz mitleidig an: "Darf ich Ihnen aufhelfen?"

Seit dem stecke ich in der Mitleid Midlife-Crisis.

Leicht kompliziertes mathematisches Rätsel

Vor ein paar Tagen bin ich über dieses Rätsel von Heinrich Hemme gestolpert.

Die Frage lautet, wie man diese Figur in drei deckungsgleiche Teile zerlegen kann.

Die im Artikel genannte Lösung ist irgendwie kompliziert. Vor allem ignoriert sie die gelben Kästchen. In der Lösung heißt es: "Wenn man sich nicht durch das quadratische Raster irritieren lässt, ist die Aufgabe ganz einfach."

Guckt euch die Lösung im Artikel an und sagt mir, warum das so kompliziert gemacht wurde. Ich meine – drei deckungsgleiche Teile. Das hätte jeder Tetris-Spieler sofort hinbekommen ohne da komplizierte Schnitte quer durch die Figur machen zu müssen.